I have never felt as uncertain about something as I am of late.
News about an important matter arrived recently at my doorstep. It was good information. It brought a degree of certainty to a doubting heart.
Yet like the sun slowly fading out into the hills, I can not keep my hopes consistently up. Pessimistic thoughts linger and darken my vision. Products of excessive rationalization, I suppose.
I pray. But feel very distant. I need to reconnect my faith with the situation.
My heart screams “Yes!” but the current condition reveals NOTHING to be confident about.
I firmly want to believe. But doubt continues to frustrate me with imaginings. I want to feel deserving of the blessing. But even that desire evades me these days.
And so I humbly acknowledge that trust in the Almighty do, at times, dwindle when self-belief peters out.
Right now, I am praying for a positive revelation. I am praying for another dream coming true. Yet at the same time I am compelled to pray for strength to endure a possibly disappointing truth.
The next few weeks will unfold a new life for me. I will stand waiting…anticipating….
Fear, I feel. I do not want more disappointments. But deep inside, I know the worst can be bearable. I know myself too well. And I thank God for this gift.
