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Thursday, November 13, 2008

WHAT IS THIS?

I have never felt as uncertain about something as I am of late.

News about an important matter arrived recently at my doorstep. It was good information. It brought a degree of certainty to a doubting heart.

Yet like the sun slowly fading out into the hills, I can not keep my hopes consistently up. Pessimistic thoughts linger and darken my vision. Products of excessive rationalization, I suppose.

I pray. But feel very distant. I need to reconnect my faith with the situation.

My heart screams “Yes!” but the current condition reveals NOTHING to be confident about.

I firmly want to believe. But doubt continues to frustrate me with imaginings. I want to feel deserving of the blessing. But even that desire evades me these days.

And so I humbly acknowledge that trust in the Almighty do, at times, dwindle when self-belief peters out.

Right now, I am praying for a positive revelation. I am praying for another dream coming true. Yet at the same time I am compelled to pray for strength to endure a possibly disappointing truth.

The next few weeks will unfold a new life for me. I will stand waiting…anticipating….

Fear, I feel. I do not want more disappointments. But deep inside, I know the worst can be bearable. I know myself too well. And I thank God for this gift.

4 comments:

CaRmeL said...

unsa mani ams? you got promoted? are you pregnant? ichika sa ako ba...curious kaayo ko :P

Daxi Weida said...

Bitina, uy! Nag-derecho ko sa last paragraph wala man gihapon.. Ipa-contest na lang, swangit. Ang maka-tagna dunay usa ka sakong ice drop gikan sa Snow White :)

Hooked said...

Carms, parehong mali imong mga gihuna-huna ;) Don't worry, I'll tell you in time. Until then, mabuang sa kag isip. (LOL)

Hooked said...

Swang, I intended it to be hanging... nakahakup lagi dayon ug reactions ;) Next time na ko pa-contest, kanang may pang-premyo na.

To give you an idea...

Rediscovering Life is a series of blogs originally created by the owner (Hooked) for her Friendster account. It is titled such because she figures that having lived for over 3 decades now already renders her qualified to be a life “guru” of some sort (LOL). She feels that one way or another, whatever it is that she documents in here will somehow have the relevance of either amusing, convincing, dissuading, educating, confusing, inspiring, influencing or fooling others.

On a personal level, Rediscovering Life reflects Hooked’s perception on just about anything. It also serves as an outlet for her. Hooked believes the therapeutic ritual of expressing and posting her own views here will keep her from eventually strangulating someone else’s neck (no pun intended—harharhar!) over provoking concerns, realizations and experiences.

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